


I'll Be Home for Christmas

by wake_me_when_it_updates



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, One Shot, Poor Loki, Thor Is Not Stupid, Thor Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-01 02:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12695397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wake_me_when_it_updates/pseuds/wake_me_when_it_updates
Summary: You loved the holidays but when Loki isn't here to share it with you, they're just not as great.Motivated to write thanks to some discord buddies. It's your fault guys.This is pretty sad when you think about it. I also wrote the whole thing in a night and leave a lot to your imagination so, there you go.





	1. I'll Be Home For Christmas

_I'm sure he'll be here, he's always made time for me before!_ You thought to yourself, trying to calm the raging anxiety in your head. It was three weeks until Christmas and your partner, Loki Laufeyson, hadn't come back home yet. He hasn't even visited or sent any messages.

Of course, you were not one to so easily doubt your lover, but you just couldn't shake the fear you'd be alone this Christmas. You hated being alone, it made you worry and panic to no end, especially on Christmas. It was Christmas for all time's sake! Your favorite holiday and time of the year! Being alone on Christmas… You don't think you could handle it.

Loki, surely, had a reason to not have come home at the start of December like you two agreed though, right? He's a busy man, it's understandable. He had to help with Asgard affairs, making peace with his once enemies, it was a lot to do. He's changed his ways, and you knew it and could see it too, but you understand why others might not. That's probably what it was. It's a lot of work to do. You needed to just just stop worrying.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him though. He was taller than you, so as you began setting up decorations, his height was definitely something you wish you had. Then there was all the Christmas baking you had to do! Fluffy sugar cookies, soft chocolate chip cookies,beautifully decorated gingerbread men (with an accompanying house of course), cut-out cookies, angel food cake, apple pies, pecan pies, cherry pies, and all the other foods your friends and family enjoyed. You'd make stuff for the neighbors, your landowner, and even some of the Avengers you knew. Loki would normally help you.

Sure, he'd eat the batter (chocolate chip was his favorite), throw flour in your face (always claims it's an accident), sneak away a decorative candy or two (he liked licorice), and tickle you while you would carefully add icing to something then lick all the utensils clean. But you loved that, it was Loki, and he was with you. He'd laugh at you singing the Christmas songs on the radio so enthusiastically, but would always compliment your voice. Then, at the end of the day, he'd make you both hot chocolate as you curled up by the fireplace, you'd always comment on his skills of using the Keurig and he'd snort at you for it. You just missed him. You missed your mischievous god. You missed your Loki.

 

_**December 24th** _

 

“Please, let me just see her. I swear I won't do anything else, I just need to see her!” Loki begged and begged. Encased by his own faults, imprisoned in Asgard. When he said he wanted to atone for the wrong he's done, he meant helping others, not being locked away again. Then there was (Y/N), his sweet (Y/N).

She was all alone, on Christmas Eve. She probably had to decorate the house by herself. Knowing her kind heart, she'd still bake everyone's favorite sweets. Out of tradition from her family, she’d cut down the Christmas tree from a farm herself and take it home. No one would be there to help her. Her friends were all out of town this year, and her family lived out of state. She was alone and he wasn't there. Loki’s eyes stung with threatening tears.

What did she look like now? Was she wearing her favorite sweater he gave her? Was her hair loose, did she do something nice with it? Maybe she got a new perfume. How was she?

Her glistening smile was burned in his mind. That little nervous habit of biting her lip when he'd compliment her, he wanted to see it again. He wanted to see her bundled in one of his coats as they went Christmas shopping. Then they'd come home and play in the snow. Oh, how he loved her face when it got rosey from the cold and the snowflakes that'd stick in her hair. The smile she'd have during the holiday season was really unforgettable.

He wanted to go into the city and admire the lights and the big decorated tree with her once more. He wanted to hold her hand as they skate on the ice, the warmth of each other keeping Jack Frost from getting to either of them. He wanted to sit in a café and admire her face as she stared out the window at the people passing. The cute expressions she'd make could make even the coldest Jotun’s heart warm.

Oh, heavens how he missed (Y/N).

“Please, brother, at least let me do this one thing.” Loki looked Thor in the eyes. Loki knew he looked like a mess. He’s been so distraught about you. Thor's empathy was visible on his face. 

“Okay, Loki.”

 ---

You blew your nose into another tissue. Just great, you got a cold for Christmas, what if Loki came home seeing you so sick? You wouldn't even be able to kiss him, you wouldn't want him to get sick. Could he get sick? You never really thought of that. You'd have to ask.

_Oh, who are you kidding, (Y/N)? It's Christmas Eve, he's not coming home._ A part of you scolded your hope, but you couldn't help but hold out for your very own Christmas miracle. You longing stared at the Christmas tree, the presents that sat under the tree weren't nearly as neatly done this year. Loki had this magic ability to wrap everything so perfectly. He'd normally do that for you. But since he wasn't here… you needed to stop thinking that. He'd show up, surely he would.

“(Y/N)?” Your miracle.

You turned away from the tree and saw Loki standing there, behind you. He was cleanly dressed, his hair was in that sexy wavy look you loved to run your hands through, and his face looked so torn of happiness and sadness.

“What's wrong? Come here” you reached your arms out for him to come over so you could hold each other. But it was like he didn't even notice.

“It's nothing, love. The decorations look beautiful as ever, (Y/N). You could use some help with the presents though” he let out a snicker at his last comment. You in turn puffed your cheeks out at him in protest.

“It would all have been much better with you here.” 

“I know.”

You looked at his face, absorbing every detail. Something told you you wouldn't be seeing much of him for a very long time. Then three little words spilled out of your mouth that, unbeknownst you to you, made everything that much harder for Loki.

“I love you.”

The look on his face was one of surprise and shock. You two never said that out loud. It was more like a tangible feeling you'd share. He bit his lower lip and turned his gaze away from you.

“(Y/N) I,” Loki looked at you again, “I love you. Please know that. And I'm so sorry I wasn't here. I'm so sorry you're alone for Christmas” Loki rambled and his body tensed.

“What do you mean? You're here now.” You knit your brows together. “I've made your favorite chocolate chip cookies today. There's also some coco for you and I'm sure I can share my blanket. So stay awhile! Loki?” You got up to take Loki's hand but he moved away.

“(Y/N), you're crying” You reached your fingertips to your eyes. You didn't even realize.

“Haha, I'm so silly. Why am I even crying? There's nothing to cry about you're here now. You made it home for Christmas.” You took a deep breath and wiped your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater. It was your favorite one, Loki got it for you. It once was his, it still smelled faintly of him.

“(Y/N), love…” Loki went to reach out a hand but brought it back to his chest before it could reach you. Not yet, not now.

You couldn't take it anymore. His distance. You wanted him to hold you so close and curl up on the couch with him and kiss him and play with his hair. You reached out yourself this time. Your arms spread, you went to hug him. His face looked so sad, it broke your heart.

“Loki, I've missed you.”

“(Y/N), I love you so much. I'm sorry, love.”

Then, like that, he was gone, disappeared as a golden mist. You sunk to your knees. The tears flowed faster now. Your Loki was gone. He wasn't home. You were alone. The clock struck twelve.

“Merry Christmas, Loki” you whispered to the empty space.

 ---

When he was back, they put him in his cell again. It turned to the twelfth hour. Loki began to cry himself.

He'd left you alone on Christmas.


	2. Coldest Winter

_**December 25th** _

It was so cold and Loki's tears wouldn't stop streaming down his face. His appearance was a wreck. His hair disheveled and his clothes tattered thin. It’s only been a few hours. Yet she was so far from him, from his embrace. He hasn't been able to sleep at all. The pain of not having her near was torturous. 

The look on her face when he began to fade was engraved in his mind. He couldn't forget how upset she was, the tears flowing freely, her strained smile through her paler lips. She wasn't in full health, he could tell. Loki's heart clenched at the thought.

His breakfast would be arriving in a few hours. He had that much time to come up with an argument to let him free. Or maybe not if could help it. He stood up and thought about what to say. He knew he wasn’t the most worthy man for (Y/N), but he can try. What could he say to prove his good intentions? He needed to do well for (Y/N), he had to. He couldn’t give up, he had to stay determined. Loki knew his faith couldn’t afford to waver in this time. So, at the top of his lungs, Loki screamed.

“BROTHER!!” Guards tensed and looked at him, just _what_ was he planning?

\---

Somehow, after Loki left, you made it to the couch. The fire was still at a dim roar and it warmed the room as you laid huddled together with blankets and pillows, wanting this pain to pass. You knew you should be warm, but for some reason, all you felt was the chill of a phantom Loki hovering over you. His lack of presence made the holiday season a bit frostier than you remembered.

The chocolate chip cookies you made him still held a heat, like the room and the blankets and the sweaters… It was like you were the only one who missed him. No one else seemed to notice. No one else seemed to care. It broke your heart. Why were the only one to suffer in his absence?

The wind was howling outside whistled through the windows. The shutters thudded against the house, the storm pulled you into a deep sleep.

Wait, the weather forecast didn't mention a storm tonight.

\---

“Loki, it is not yet dawn! Sleep, brother, you need it.”

“Thor, you idiot, how can I sleep now?” Loki stood menacingly, his body ridged and stiff. He appeared like a statue frozen in a state of panic. “I called you here, because I need to make a deal.”

“I'd love to trust you, Loki, but you've put yourself in a position that is making that difficult” Thor sighed with a slight shake of his head. What could Loki truly offer anyway?

“I need to see her again” Loki spoke with a sense of resolution. Like he made a preemptive decision that Thor didn't know about.

“You just did, I let you do do as much as I can in your situa-”

“I love her.”

Thor was cut off and the two brothers went silent. Blue met blue and their eyes were locked in a knowing gaze. 

“Tell me you remember what that was like” Loki egged on, he wasn't going to lose this. “Imagine when someone loves you, when you never thought you could be loved, it's an extraordinary feeling. I can't lose her. You must understand. I urge you, see this as I do!” Loki took a few steps closer to the window. Now or never.

“Loki, what are you proposing?” Thor shifted his weight and crossed his arms.

“For you to hear me out, I said I had a deal.”

\---

_**December 31st** _

“Come on, (Y/N)! Take your mind off of that guy for awhile! Come over to the party! Relax a little! Have a drink, maybe meet someone new?”

“Mimi…” You spoke with an underlying threatening tone. Your close friend Mimi was trying to get you out of your house to her New Year's party, and you weren't having it, for good reason.

“Sorry, I'm being insensitive, aren't I? Listen, I just know it's not good to dwell and I just want to see you happy. So please think about it? Starts at seven.”

“Mimi, I'm literally snowed in, I couldn't leave if I wanted to!” You threw your hands up in frustration. For the past few weeks it's been storm after storm and just when you think it's all gone and melted to a manageable point, another storm swoops in and ruins it. You've only left the house twice for groceries on good days. Last night it stormed again and you could barely see out your window. It was a pain.

You wish Loki was here to be snowed in with you. You'd both probably play board games and card games. You'd put out scented candles when the power went out and have Loki choose the nicest smelling ones and pick where to put them so you two could enjoy them the most. He'd probably scold you for leaving the candles to burn when you napped. But you could both curl on the bed or couch just to get warm. You'd eat Christmas leftovers and he'd demand homemade hot chocolate. It would be nice.

“Right, well, if you get out, my door's always welcome for you!” Mimi tried to be hopeful.

“I know. Thanks Mimi, I'll text you if I'm up to it later. Happy New Years.”

“Happy New Years, (Y/N).”

You shut your phone off. The loneliest Christmas followed by a lonely New Year's. So fitting for you, it's almost funny.

“Happy New Year's, Loki” You whispered to the air, hoping he'd hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but at least I'm writing multiple chapters, cut me some slack guys. Much love

**Author's Note:**

> What do you think could happen after this? Leave your theories below!


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